Understanding how your loved one sees you
Written by Chris Vishoot · Fact checked by Bible Vaccine Center Editorial Team
Now, let’s apply the atheist example to your loved one in Shincheonji.
When you constantly challenge their beliefs, show them articles or videos explaining why Shincheonji is false, or try to prove that they are in a cult, they may feel the same way you would feel toward that atheist friend.
They may feel constantly attacked, misunderstood, and judged.
But with Shincheonji, there is another layer to consider.
From your loved one’s perspective, their salvation may be at stake.
They genuinely believe that Shincheonji is God’s kingdom and that remaining faithful to its teachings is necessary for salvation.
When you show them information criticizing Shincheonji, they may not interpret it as a loving attempt to help them.
Instead, they may believe that Satan is using you to draw them away from God and the truth.
This is why directly confronting them with evidence can backfire.
Each argument, accusation, or attempt to disprove Shincheonji may reinforce what they have already been taught: that people outside Shincheonji will persecute them and attempt to lead them away from the truth.
In their minds, your behavior may appear to confirm Shincheonji’s warnings.
So how do we avoid reinforcing this belief?
A better approach begins with genuinely trying to understand your loved one’s point of view.
This does not mean you have to agree with Shincheonji’s teachings or pretend that you believe the organization is good.
You can respect someone’s sincerity without agreeing with their beliefs.
For example, consider the amount of time your loved one dedicates to studying the Bible.
They may spend hours attending lessons, memorizing Scripture, participating in religious activities, and trying to understand God’s will.
You can genuinely respect their desire to know God, their willingness to study the Bible, and their commitment to what they believe is right.
At the same time, you can recognize that Shincheonji is a high-control organization and remain deeply concerned about the harm its practices can cause.
These two things are not mutually exclusive.
The distinction is important: You are respecting the person and their intentions, not necessarily endorsing the organization or its teachings.
And your loved one may be able to sense the difference.
People can often recognize when someone is approaching them with hostility, judgment, or a hidden agenda. Your facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and the way you respond to their answers can all communicate how you actually feel.
If you ask a question while already preparing your rebuttal, your loved one may recognize that you’re not genuinely interested in their answer.
If you approach every conversation as an opportunity to expose Shincheonji, they may begin expecting an argument before you’ve even said anything.
When you approach your loved one with genuine curiosity and respect, you begin challenging the expectation that everyone outside Shincheonji is hostile toward their faith.
You are no longer behaving like the person they have been warned to fear.
In his book Combating Cult Mind Control, Steven Hassan describes how high-control groups can shape a person’s thinking, and we’ll draw on some of his ideas in the next part.
Our first goal is to help your loved one feel comfortable talking with you, without feeling that they must constantly defend their faith.
We are not trying to win an argument.
We are trying to create an environment where an honest conversation can eventually take place.